no more starting over…

i’m impatient…anyone who knows me just laughed at that, because it’s obvious… 😂so when i put my mind to something, i go after it, and going after it means doing all the things, every day, as quickly as possible so i can accomplish the goal…

i would say i’m an all in or all out girly…and it’s how i get things done. 🥰 and while it’s been true in my work life, it is definitely not true for the rest of my life… 😂

recently i got introduced to the concept of all or nothing thinking, and the idea that it comes from wanting to do things “perfectly”. i don’t know if it’s perfectionism or not…it seems to me that phrase has been co-opted to mean a lot of things i don’t think it means… 😊 and in the end it doesn’t matter to me what it’s called, it matters how it affects me…

so let’s say my goal is to get back to running 8km a day…well then i need to get out every day and run, no matter what, and run until i can’t or i reach 8km.

shin splints? pfft, keep going…

recovery suffering? pfft, 8km, remember? let’s go…

and of course that doesn’t work… 😝 i end up injured and taking weeks off to recover before starting again. and every time this happens, every time i miss a day, every time i need to sleep instead of run, i start over…i call it “getting back on track”

and this is my life…over and over, every goal, every hobby, every passion. as you can imagine, i spend a lot of time telling myself i need to get back on track…

what i didn’t realize was how that constant starting over was affecting my self talk…i never reflected on how it made me feel, and what i was chasing

i was chasing perfection…all the rows of perfect gold stars in my head. i always wanted the gold stars in school too…chased them, while never quite being teacher’s pet because i “talked too much” and “needed to stay in my chair and not disturb others 😂 but of course i could never be perfect, and i beat up on myself pretty hard whenever i had to stop, rest, do something different…my self talk was a lot of “come on lisa, you can do it, you just gotta do better going forward” and i saw that as a good thing somehow? 🤷🏻‍♀️

but this past weekend i made myself a promise…i am never fucking starting over again…ever!! 🥰 i have the rest of my life to achieve my goals, and no one is keeping score. and every step i take towards my goals is proof i am worthy of the gold stars in my head… ⭐️