everyone in your life is there for a season, a reason, or a lifetime…that’s what they say. i didn’t believe that in my teens and twenties…every loss felt like i had lost a limb, a vital part of myself. luckily for my younger self, i still count among my closest some of those friends from high school.
i lost one about 15 years ago…we just stopped talking. i knew why i walked away, and it felt like such a betrayal at the time that i truly didn’t care if i ever heard from her again. that’s where i learned that closure and forgiveness could occur without the other person being part of it. but that wasn’t all i learned from that experience. i realized that the saying is true…that everyone is in your life for a season, a reason, or a lifetime, and that although at the time i thought my twin was a lifetime person, it was okay that she wasn’t. i also understood that every relationship is a good thing…that lessons are everywhere if you’re willing to reflect.
i lost a newish friend last year. we met in 2020, and we were friends, but to my mind, we were more. she and i shared a friend that mattered a great deal to both of us, and i thought that made us a lifetime. it did not…but i’m still not sure if she was a season or a reason. was she a season, because in the end, our shared person was meant to become my lifetime? or was she a reason, because i learned things about myself? while i have moved on and forgiven, i have a few things i will never accept again…
i won’t roll my eyes and stay quiet when someone tries to tell me how i “should” say things anymore. i am not you. and you didn’t bother to come from a place of understanding and curiosity…you came from a place of “if i believe it, then it is true.” my saying sorry often isn’t because i am weak, nor because i am a people pleaser. in truth, i have zero idea why you thought you should correct me. but in canada, we use sorry for a million things. it’s often a sign of compassion and understanding. and if you struggle to hear those words, that’s something you might want to reflect on. changing others isn’t the answer.
i won’t keep quiet when i find out someone is trying to fix a “problem” they have decided i have. you aren’t helping people by telling them what they need to do to fix a problem you perceive. you are being rude. not only do you not have the “answer”, but you don’t get to decide if there’s a problem. i don’t have an issue with my social anxiety. i live a life i am happy with…have people i spend time with and talk to. i keep my circle small because i find peace and happiness that way. there’s a hubris in deciding that because you want a certain type of life, everyone does. my happiness and contentment are well known…and if i see a problem, i will go about finding a solution.
i won’t accept friendships that are all about me listening and connecting, and you being connected with. if we don’t have anything in common, unless i show interest in all your interests…if there’s no back and forth, no shared, “omg, you like that?! me too!!” or, “hmm, that sounds cool, i’d love to check it out!!’ …then i’m out. every relationship requires the effort of both parties, and you were my first lesson of how things go when one person is trying and the other only wants friends who want to do the exact same things they want to do…
and finally…and this one is less a lesson and more an in the moment wtf…if you delete me from social media, without even bothering to tell me why…i will never, ever answer a “hey, how’s things” message again. we are not friends…and that was the biggest lesson of all… no more being used because someone wants something from you…and no more convincing myself that they’re good people…because you might be, but not for me…
you were a season for a reason i guess, and i thank you. life is both happiness and sadness, and i am grateful for the time we had and the lessons i learned. i wish you happiness and health, and that you find your lifetime too…
early morning reflections… 